I have a massive pair of boobies. There, I have said it! A big weight off my chest (Smirk!). A friend once asked if my bra was a spare for Cardiff Parachute troupe. I have heard many gags and comedy names for both of my boobs. My Brad Pitts, Airbags, Hooters, Knockers, Norks and Baps have been with me much of my adult life. I was once a flat chested teenager, dying to grow something that would fill a bra but it wasn’t until I was nearly 17 years old that I threw out my vest. I haven’t looked back since and I steadily grew and grew. I am now the owner of a number of 32H size bras…… I don’t actually own drawers and drawers of them as the bigger they get, the bigger the price tag! At around £45 per bra, having a big pair of jugs is costly.
I can make a few jokes about them and I know that a number of people will read this article and think I am stretching the truth somewhat. However, as the owner of big bosoms, I have long hidden them away from daylight and have every sympathy with women who have back ache due to carrying so much extra weight around their chest. I also know how people misjudge big breasts with low IQ, the job of strapping them up with ugly sports bras for a run and how many men can’t look me in the eye! I have a lifetime of knowledge on how to look after them and have seen many gimmicks promising perky,shinier boobs to realise that starting young and a bit of work is a very good way to keep your breasts in tip top condition.
- Wear a good bra, buy many different types and look after them. Work, sports, beaches, fancy dress and hot dates – all require different shaped bras as they need to perform different tasks. Get measured several times at several different places. Always hand wash and naturally dry bras and replace them when you can. It’s a worthwhile time investment when they cost so much! Once you have finished them donate them to worthwhile charities like www.smallsforall.org.
- When trying on different necklines, imagine Gok standing in the changing rooms with you. Some clothes do nothing for a larger bust. Put me in a polo neck and a belt and I look dreadfully like I am playing a game of hide the balloons! I like wrap dresses, separates and v necks and avoid halter necks, high necks and peek-a-boob blouses with buttons that stretch open. Most women get to the age where our un bra’d breasts are closer to our waist than our shoulders, we just don’t need the world to know or see them!
- Use many of the products on your bust and décolletage that you use on your face. Crepey skin and age spots can be prevented with UV cream. Vitamin C cream is thought to help plump the skin. A blast of cold water will help tighten the skin but it’s not going to last long. Use a mild exfoliant all over your breast to help the skin regenerate.
- I haven’t had any success with expensive products or gadgets – I shared a house with a woman who placed each breast in a colander shaped gadget that plugged into the cold tap every single morning! I can’t say that gravity, breastfeeding nor age could be prevented by an expensive cold water boob gun, but each to their own!
- if you are wearing a low cut top, remember that the colour of your face should match your decolletage. Use a large bronzing brush and some bronzing pearls to add a little sparkle and colour to the area but do this on dry skin and remember it will rub off on clothing.
- going to the gym or swimming pool and targeting the muscles around your breasts will help lift them and keeping your weight steady will help too.
- watch your posture! Tilt your pelvis to straighten your lower back and hold your shoulders back and strong. Head held high with an invisible string pulling the top of your head upwards will elongate your neck and lift your breasts. If you are the Mother of a teenage girl developing heavy breasts, this can really help prevent sagging and back ache later in life and teach them to walk tall and proud.
And finally consider your options. If you suffer with backache, shoulder strain and feel that your large breasts are holding you back, you could consider breast reduction surgery. It’s a fairly big operation, requiring at least one overnight stay and plenty of rest and patience for a month or so later. Scarring can be an issue and you may lose some sensitivity in that area but for many women with large breasts, this can be an amazing event in their lives and literally changes everything.
Like many things in life, bigger isn’t always better……. it can be hard work looking after my Gazongas!
